Update on life;
-I have a wonderful boy who makes me happy.
-School still sucks.
-Kenny and I are drifting away.
-Still no job.
-I really don't care about anything anymore.
-Gordon and I hungout for the first time in three years yesterday!

Um, that's it?

I think I'm going to start playing the guitar again. I missed it.
And taking pictures. I think I'm going to take up a photography class.

It's always one thing after another. Fucking fantastic.

I've been feeling a bit uneasy about things lately.
Hmm.
I don't like it.

"When I was your age, I flipped burgers all summer just to be able to buy an eight-track."
"That sucks."
"No, actually it was great. All I did was party and get laid. I had my whole life ahead of me."

I'm so excited for Halloween. I love it. The dressing up, partying, seeing old friends, pumpkin carving, and leaves changing colors.

I've been alright lately. Keeping my head up but he seems to come and bring it back down with a guilt trip here and a few mean words there. I'm happier without him. I'm back to my old self. I was looking at my photobucket and looked at old pictures from partying with Louis and Addison, meeting Tyler, drunk nights at Christine's, and those stupid little page graphics I used to put on myspace. It's all really sad in a way, but feels good to be where I'm at today and happy with the decisions I made. We're just at different parts in our lives and we both have different feelings now. Like I said, I'm happy with the decisions I made.

I've been in a good mood. Or well, happy. Yeah, happy. It's nice to say that for once and actually mean it and feel it.

I've been feeling off lately. But happy at the same time? Does this make sense? I'm not sure.

"Thank you for sticking by me before and after Tyler"
"Shut up I'm your brother. Of course"
I missed Evan a lot. Last night was really fun. We pinky promised each other something last night, but I can't quite remember what it was and I know he doesn't either. This is going to bug me.

I'm happy :)
Very happy. I'm starting to enjoy the simple things in life again and it's nice. Like the weather, sitting at home with cheesecake and my favorite movie, long talks with friends, and so on. It's nice.

I had a weird dream about Dan. We were sitting at our middle school and we were both dressed up how we used to dress back in middle school. And all I remember telling him was, "Dan just comon. Come back. We miss you" and he shook his head and said, "Nah. I like it here. I'm finally free." So I stayed quiet and asked, "Well, how is it?". It was weird. There was a lot of laughing and tears of happiness but I woke up sad. Confusing and weird.

What a world, what a life, I'm in love.


The best weekend I've had in a while, seriously. I live for those kind of moments.
Friday night- Going to a party as UCSD, watching skinny gay guys dance with fat chicks, Shakira!, Swedish Sapphire, dancing in the backseat with Ashley, ten minutes hugs.

Saturday night- Pouring Red Bull on Mikey's head, walking around Nick's neighborhood with a 40oz, and then laying in Nick's driveway staring at the stars and talking about everything. Great night :)


Stop fucking with my head. It's not cute.



Something's wrong with me. I think.

Way to go Cynthia, you dumbass.

I feel so relieved. But at the same time it's pretty quiet around here now.
I'm so used to hearing him screaming at his stupid video games
or making food in the kitchen.
Weird. But it's for the better. Like I said, I feel relieved.


I am so uncomfortable with my weight.
I feel like I'm too skinny :/
A girl asked if I was anorexic today
and Danny pointed out my spine showing through my bikini while we were camping.
I'd like to gain atleast 10 pounds.
Weird huh? Most girls want to lose it and I'm trying to gain it.
Anyone know of any secrets to gaining weight? haha.

You found me. You found me.

So school is alright. I really wish I wasn't back at Granite but I'm glad I'm not alone. I love Jena and our crazy antics at lunch. I'm really excited about my psychology class but at the same time it's so much homework and things to remember. I'm also excited about my advanced photo class. Things could be worse I guess.

Everyone seems to be disappointed in me lately and the sad part is that I actually care and want to do something about it. But at the same time I'm tired of making everyone else happy. I know it sounds selfish but it's true. The past couple of weeks I've been ignoring and not listening to anyone but myself and I'm actually happy. Is that selfish? To be happy? I don't know.

I really love my friends. I hope they know how much I love them.
Hannah, Kenny, Freddy, Kayla, Louis, Addison, Natalie, Sami, Harry, Evan, Nick and whoever else has been with me this summer. Thank you guys for making this summer thee best summer of my life. I've learned a lot about myself and I couldn't have done it without you guys there.

I'm actually pretty content. It feels good.

Lets take a mini-road trip. I don't care where. Just away from here. With some good music blasting and the windows rolled down. I'm overwhelmed.




I'm not looking forward to school starting in a week. Not now please. I've had such a good summer.

I actually had a pretty fun birthday.
I'm glad I spent it with the people I did.
And I got a great birthday gift too :)
djals;kfjao;if;laskd


Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday.

I'm in the process of figuring out the kind of person I am.
I know you don't like it. I'm sorry if this sounds extremely selfish but I don't care.
I need this time to rebel and experience life. I've sat back and played the wallflower too long.



This has been the best summer of my life. I've met so many new people, reconnected with old friends, and learned a lot about myself. I'm extremely lucky to have the people I have now in my life. You know who you guys are. I'm sorry I don't say it enough but thank you for being there for me when I was at my worst, thank you for listening to every word I had to say(even if you didn't agree with it), thank you for making me smile and giving me something to look forward to everyday I wake up.



And as for you, you're here now. And that's all that matters.

My birthday is 4 days. I'm so stoked :) Finally 18! haha.

My summer's coming to an end. There's still a few things I'd like to do.
1. Go bike riding late at night and watch the stars.
2. Take Louis to get his first Blizzard at DQ!
3. Go to the park and lay in the grass with someone, talk, and drink slurpees.
4. Go up to Mt.Helix at night, listening to Brand New, and trying to count how many shooting stars I see with someone.
5. Get my tattoooooo!
6. Go shopping :) haha.
7. Drink some Blue Moon and listen to Frank Sinatra with Kyle!

I've been really happy lately :) I love it.

Oh Mr.Frank Sinatra, I love you.

you can stand under my umbrella ella ella eh eh ehhhh
what the fuck?


i had a long talk about things with freddy.
it made me realize a lot of things.
thank you freddy.



it's summer.
i just wanna have fun.

I'm done. I mean, I WANT to be done with this. But I just can't for some reason :( What the fuck?

One bright day in the middle of the night
Two dead boys got up to fight Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other
A deaf policeman heard the noise
He came and killed those two dead boys
One bright day in the middle of the night